Deer Gary
I frequently encounter this situation and I never know what to do. I was approaching the bank the other day and there was a man just ahead of me. Being polite, he opened the door for me and I entered the building.
But this put me ahead of him in line which doesn't seem fair. He arrived first and I felt like he should be ahead of me in line. What is the proper etiquette for this situation? I would hate to make a man regret holding the door for a woman!
Deer.....I Don't Know or Care What Your Name is,
When Gary goes to the bank he wants to get in and out in the least amount of time with the least amount of hassle. That means Gary is not interested in being behind some old lady counting change. If it were me and I saw you entering the bank at the same as myself not only would I not hold the door for you but I would shove you out of the way, trample you, and then proceed with my business. Don't you have a hot niece or something that can do this shit for you? At least it would make more sense for someone to hold a door.
Life is a contest deer reader. Everything we do we are competing against someone or something else. Time is our most valuable commodity. Save time, stop worrying about who's in line first, who opened what for whom, and blah blah blah.......My advice is to get back in your Buick, go home, get in your snuggy, and live out the rest of your ridiculous life watching Matlock, or The Golden Girls, or whatever it is you watch while you wait for meals on wheels. Shit.
You're Welcome,
Gary
Gary The Buck
I am a handsome bitch
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
A Question in Etiquette
DEER GARY, Can you explain why North Americans use a fork in their right hand and Europeans, from whom many of us descend, always use the left hand?
Deer Person Who Should Spend His/Her Time Thinking About Better Things,
North Americans, in general, are just better so they can put a fork in whatever fuckin hand they want to put it in. Be it the right hand the left hand or even if they want to put a fork in their ass makes no difference to me nor should it to you. I suggest you pull your snotty little self out of your own ass and start concerning yourself with better things. You're asking Gary about a fucking fork you fucking dickhead. If I had a fork I would stab you with it. First, with my right hoof, then with my left. Then I would shove that fork so far up your snooty little nose that you would no longer worry about such trivial things. I hate you.
You're Welcome,
Gary
Deer Person Who Should Spend His/Her Time Thinking About Better Things,
North Americans, in general, are just better so they can put a fork in whatever fuckin hand they want to put it in. Be it the right hand the left hand or even if they want to put a fork in their ass makes no difference to me nor should it to you. I suggest you pull your snotty little self out of your own ass and start concerning yourself with better things. You're asking Gary about a fucking fork you fucking dickhead. If I had a fork I would stab you with it. First, with my right hoof, then with my left. Then I would shove that fork so far up your snooty little nose that you would no longer worry about such trivial things. I hate you.
You're Welcome,
Gary
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Another Soul Lead Through The Promise Land
Deer Gary: I am a 42-year-old man, married with two children. Things are just fine within my immediate family. The problem is my mother. She wants me to buy her an automobile. Not just any automobile. She wants one exactly like mine.
Mother has a comfortable lifestyle and can certainly afford to buy any car she wants on her own. However, for some reason, she thinks I should give her one. And, of course, she doesn't want anything as moderately priced as the neighbor's car. She feels entitled to a car just like mine — the expensive variety. No other car will do.
Gary, I have worked hard for everything I have, including my car. I paid my own way through college and am reasonably successful in business. I do not feel that I should deprive my children of the money we are saving for their college education in order to satisfy my mother's expensive taste in automobiles. I have told her that money is tight at the moment, but this hasn't stopped her from nagging.
My relationship with my mother has never been terribly close, and now, her pressuring me to buy a car is straining it to the breaking point. I don't want to destroy the good will that I have slowly and carefully built up over the years.
I need some advice. — No Name, No City, Please
Deer Whoever the hell you are,
With all due respect tell your mother to turn up her damn hearing aid because apparently it's set too low for her to understand just what the hell you are trying to tell her. Next you need to grow a set, tell your mom to go to hell, and let her know if you are going to buy her a car it's going to be a 1991 Geo-fucking-Metro.
If you keep caving to your mom the next thing she'll insist upon is a tricked out motorized wheelchair so she can play bingo with the rest of the geriatrics in style. Fuck that. Not on my watch. Cowboy up douchebag.
You're Welcome,
Gary
Mother has a comfortable lifestyle and can certainly afford to buy any car she wants on her own. However, for some reason, she thinks I should give her one. And, of course, she doesn't want anything as moderately priced as the neighbor's car. She feels entitled to a car just like mine — the expensive variety. No other car will do.
Gary, I have worked hard for everything I have, including my car. I paid my own way through college and am reasonably successful in business. I do not feel that I should deprive my children of the money we are saving for their college education in order to satisfy my mother's expensive taste in automobiles. I have told her that money is tight at the moment, but this hasn't stopped her from nagging.
My relationship with my mother has never been terribly close, and now, her pressuring me to buy a car is straining it to the breaking point. I don't want to destroy the good will that I have slowly and carefully built up over the years.
Deer Whoever the hell you are,
With all due respect tell your mother to turn up her damn hearing aid because apparently it's set too low for her to understand just what the hell you are trying to tell her. Next you need to grow a set, tell your mom to go to hell, and let her know if you are going to buy her a car it's going to be a 1991 Geo-fucking-Metro.
If you keep caving to your mom the next thing she'll insist upon is a tricked out motorized wheelchair so she can play bingo with the rest of the geriatrics in style. Fuck that. Not on my watch. Cowboy up douchebag.
You're Welcome,
Gary
Monday, September 12, 2011
More Advice from Gary
Here's a sad little story. I think I can help though.
Deer Gary,
I am a 27-year-old stay-at-home mom with three kids. Two are my fiance "Sean's"; the littlest is ours together. Sean and I have been together almost seven years.
I need help. I am a very depressed person and have been for many years. I shop excessively and spend way too much -- sometimes all of our money -- and I don't know how to stop. Shopping makes me feel happy, and when I'm depressed (which is often), I go out shopping for stuff I don't even need. I have even started shopping online for stuff. I feel horrible about this. Sean and I have tried separate bank accounts, but when I'd run low I would just tap right into his. Please help me. I don't know what to do.
Spend-a-Holic in Ventura, Calif.
Spend-a-Holic in Ventura, Calif.,
My advice isn't for you as much as it is for "Sean". Sean, kick this woman out of your house before she completely drains your bank account, maxes out your credit cards, and cashes in your 401K. She obviously can't balance her emotions much less a check book. Take away her computer, her credit cards, and by all means tell her to get off her ass and get a job. By the way Spend a holic, the reason you're so depressed is because you're broke. How about next time you feel depressed go buy something useful like a bottle of whiskey. Drink a lot of it and pass out. No shopping, no spending...simple. So simple in fact you're stupid for not thinking of it yourself. Oh yeah, I'm fairly certain "Sean's" kids are brats. Yours probably is too.
You're Welcome,
Gary
Deer Gary,
I am a 27-year-old stay-at-home mom with three kids. Two are my fiance "Sean's"; the littlest is ours together. Sean and I have been together almost seven years.
I need help. I am a very depressed person and have been for many years. I shop excessively and spend way too much -- sometimes all of our money -- and I don't know how to stop. Shopping makes me feel happy, and when I'm depressed (which is often), I go out shopping for stuff I don't even need. I have even started shopping online for stuff. I feel horrible about this. Sean and I have tried separate bank accounts, but when I'd run low I would just tap right into his. Please help me. I don't know what to do.
Spend-a-Holic in Ventura, Calif.
Spend-a-Holic in Ventura, Calif.,
My advice isn't for you as much as it is for "Sean". Sean, kick this woman out of your house before she completely drains your bank account, maxes out your credit cards, and cashes in your 401K. She obviously can't balance her emotions much less a check book. Take away her computer, her credit cards, and by all means tell her to get off her ass and get a job. By the way Spend a holic, the reason you're so depressed is because you're broke. How about next time you feel depressed go buy something useful like a bottle of whiskey. Drink a lot of it and pass out. No shopping, no spending...simple. So simple in fact you're stupid for not thinking of it yourself. Oh yeah, I'm fairly certain "Sean's" kids are brats. Yours probably is too.
You're Welcome,
Gary
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Gary The Buck....The New Dr. Phil?
Hey!!!
Gary the Buck here. It's been a long time and I wanted to catch all of you up on what's happening in Craig's basement, in my head, and in the world of The Rockford Mules. First The Mules have been busy...playing shows, writing new music, and for the month of Sept. they are playing free shows every Sunday at Cause Spirits and Sound Bar in Minneapolis, MN. Enough about them. I want to talk about me and the service I will be providing all of you lost and wandering souls out there.
Starting now I will be offering my unique perspective on all things....yes, all things. If you have problems with a doe that you can't quite wrap your rack around, I can help. If your 401K is not maintaining it's value and you need to be talked off of a ledge, I can help. If your hoof fetish is out of control and it's ruining your marriage, I can help. You can see where this is going. All you need to do is post a question and I will answer it with my vast knowledge of everything and my gift of guidance. Let's start out with an example. I pulled this question from an Ann Landers column. I won't bother posting Ann's response
Dear Ann Landers: I belong to an informal dinner club that meets once a month for dinner in one of our homes. One of the women has appointed herself "social director" and is making our lives miserable.
"Irene" phones everyone to remind them of the upcoming dinner plans, which is fine. The problem is that she always tells the hostess what to serve. She does not have food allergies or any medical problems; she just likes certain things. Irene eats enough for two people, so making an extra dish for her is a major annoyance.
The rest of us in the group do not want to disband, and Irene would be terribly hurt if we excluded her. Any suggestions? — Too Much Cooking in Alabama
Dear Too Much Cooking In Alabama,
First off, I don't think that is your real name. Secondly your first problem is that you belong to a dinner club. Nobody should do anything that lame. Clubs should be cool things like motorcycle club, or football club, maybe even stand around the salt lick club. Those are cool things. Dinner clubs are dumb and so are you for belonging to them. You belong to a dinner club (lol) and you are complaining about someone eating food and you having to prepare it. Isn't that the point to a fucking dinner club, as dumb as it is? My advice? Quit the stupid club and let Irene make her own food and eat herself to death. Oh yeah, and get a real hobby dummy.
You're Welcome,
Gary the Buck
Gary the Buck here. It's been a long time and I wanted to catch all of you up on what's happening in Craig's basement, in my head, and in the world of The Rockford Mules. First The Mules have been busy...playing shows, writing new music, and for the month of Sept. they are playing free shows every Sunday at Cause Spirits and Sound Bar in Minneapolis, MN. Enough about them. I want to talk about me and the service I will be providing all of you lost and wandering souls out there.
Starting now I will be offering my unique perspective on all things....yes, all things. If you have problems with a doe that you can't quite wrap your rack around, I can help. If your 401K is not maintaining it's value and you need to be talked off of a ledge, I can help. If your hoof fetish is out of control and it's ruining your marriage, I can help. You can see where this is going. All you need to do is post a question and I will answer it with my vast knowledge of everything and my gift of guidance. Let's start out with an example. I pulled this question from an Ann Landers column. I won't bother posting Ann's response
Dear Ann Landers: I belong to an informal dinner club that meets once a month for dinner in one of our homes. One of the women has appointed herself "social director" and is making our lives miserable.
"Irene" phones everyone to remind them of the upcoming dinner plans, which is fine. The problem is that she always tells the hostess what to serve. She does not have food allergies or any medical problems; she just likes certain things. Irene eats enough for two people, so making an extra dish for her is a major annoyance.
The rest of us in the group do not want to disband, and Irene would be terribly hurt if we excluded her. Any suggestions? — Too Much Cooking in Alabama
Dear Too Much Cooking In Alabama,
First off, I don't think that is your real name. Secondly your first problem is that you belong to a dinner club. Nobody should do anything that lame. Clubs should be cool things like motorcycle club, or football club, maybe even stand around the salt lick club. Those are cool things. Dinner clubs are dumb and so are you for belonging to them. You belong to a dinner club (lol) and you are complaining about someone eating food and you having to prepare it. Isn't that the point to a fucking dinner club, as dumb as it is? My advice? Quit the stupid club and let Irene make her own food and eat herself to death. Oh yeah, and get a real hobby dummy.
You're Welcome,
Gary the Buck
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